The Nation of Idiots

War of the Idiots and the Not-An-Idiots


Once upon a time there was a Nation of Idiots. All the Idiots, male and female, were allowed to vote. Everyone was very happy. The Idiots enshrined their rights in law, all freedoms were protected, but only for Idiots. Many years passed and everyone was happy. Then a very small group of Idiots began to complain and said they were not happy. They wanted to change the Bill of Idiots’ Rights. This caused a lot of dissention and arguments, something that had never happened. A new Leader arose. He promised unity and happiness. He declared that anyone in opposition was Not-An-Idiot. These people  should have no rights and should not be allowed to vote. The Supreme Court of Idiots agreed. Since they were Not-An-Idiots, they had no  right to vote.  This made the Not-An-Idiots unhappy. But over time some Idiots admired their tenacity and willingness to stand up to the Leader. They said they supported them and declared, “We are also Not-An-Idiots.” This group spread, and the Idiot counters began to say, “Soon there will be more Not-An-Idiots than Idiots!”

    What shall we do? The Not-An-Idiots began to win some small local elections. But they said, “We don’t mind if the Idiots vote. We will not exclude them. We regard everyone, even Idiots, as part of the community.” But then someone said, “Idiots shouldn’t be allowed to drive!” So only Not-An-Idiots could get a driver’s license. That became a foot in the water for a spreading movement. Next someone proposed that only Not-An-Idiots should be allowed on airplanes. This was very popular and Idiots had to walk everywhere, which made them very healthy, as many Idiots were overweight. And once they were banned from driving and flying, restaurants began to post signs, No Idiots Allowed!, and this sign became so popular that they began to appear at baseball games and football games which until then had been very popular with Idiots as had been Wrestling and all violent sports. The first Not-An-Idiot on the Court was a woman, and she quickly proposed that Idiots should not be allowed to buy or own guns. This was very popular and quickly passed as the law of the land and had a profound and spreading effect. Citizens began to exclaim, Why am I an Idiot? I can’t drive, fly, go to violent sports or own a gun! I might as well be a Not-An-Idiot. And as this spread the Not-An-Idiots became a majority of the country. This made everyone happy, until someone proposed deporting all the remaining Idiots, which was very divisive and controversial, as nothing like this had ever been proposed. It also made many Not-An-Idiot look at each other and wonder where the Nation was going. “Leave them alone,” some important person said. “The Idiots don’t like to have children. They’ll just die out.” And that is exactly what happened. Over time the Idiots died out, and everyone in the Nation was a Not-An-Idiot, and everyone was happy and lived that way forever more. 

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